Professional Sh*t Testing – how does a wife help her husband in the workplace?

medusaOkay, I am asking the gentlemen primarily, though of course ladies are welcome to comment:

How can I help my husband deal with serious sh*t-testing from unrelated women at work?

Some background is necessary:

My husband and I were both total feminists until about ten years ago.  We’re definitely unplugged, so to speak…but it is still a process in our thinking  in certain areas.  Mister has natural “game” (he calls his Game “mojo”), but he acts very differently with me when I get occasionally unruly and fitness test him than he does with women in the workplace when they constantly do the same.   Obviously, when a man is at home in his castle and his wife is being a pain in the arse, it is easier to deal with her than it is to deal with some “empowered” chick in the workplace who can go cry on any  number of willing shoulders:  her “boss”; HR (almost entirely composed of females), some lawyer…you get the picture.  So, I think it is a desire to “just keep the peace” so he can “just keep his JOB” that keeps my husband from trying to run any game on these out-of-control females he seems to KEEP encountering.  It really is amazing; the more I read and learn about the nature of women (myself included) and the nature of our flesh (as women), the more I am astounded at what women get away with these days.

In any event, more background.  Mister works in retail locations with permission from corporate sponsors under contract to offer satellite television and other entertainment media to customers in the retail stores.  Mister is self-employed; he is incorporated.  However, without the contracts from the corporate sponsors (should he anger them or the retailer), he really doesn’t have a storefront in which to offer his products.  So, as a sales professional, he is well-served to keep his customers happy:  the sponsors, the retailers, and the retail customers.

However, Mister has encountered nothing but problems with females since he started this business!  Truly amazing.  One of them, a former employee, actually sued him (and lost in a huge way) in court.  Her husband backed her; mind you, her husband was an unemployed milquetoast.  This woman engaged in verbal diarrhea about her sex life (or lack thereof) with her own husband in my husband’s ear incessantly.  When he fired her, she sued, but not for “sexual harassment” – rather, for payroll violations.  She was sleeping in her car during work hours.  Amazing.

Other women have connived and manipulated him and attempted to get him to hire them illegally.  One woman in a retailer who was a retail employee created all sorts of lies about my Mister and had him thrown out of the retailer for “being too aggressive” with “her” customers.  Gads.  This last episode almost cost him his career; thankfully, we moved across the state to a new market with new retailers.  Several women have connived and manipulated and gained support from their male coworkers in trying to complain to their retail managers and have my husband thrown out of stores.

I should mention that my husband is one of the best in the Nation at his job.  Several times he has been the best in the Nation.  He is a dynamic man and an excellent speaker and persuader.  At his previous sales job, he broke a National record for sales and average sale which still stands five years later – no one has come close to touching it.  He is aggressive, he is dominant, he is charismatic, he is charming in speech and persona, he is extremely quick-witted verbally, and women have only to spend about three minutes with him to see that he is naturally Alpha in personality and behavior.  He is middle-aged, bald and in above-average physical shape for his age – and he draws women like a freaking magnet.  Like moths to a flame they flutter to him, but within days they are screaming about his “aggression” being too much, his personality being “too controlling” and basically b*tching about everything they LOVE about him.  Yes, I have been one of them early in our marriage (repentant smile).

Which brings me to our latest event:  the store my husband just opened (retailer which allows him to sell there) is small.  The management loves him.  The employees are lazy, due to being bored out of their minds in a small store during a down season.  The store employees are also a bit apathetic due to the fact that they are non-commissioned; they earn a wage regardless of sales volume.  Mister only eats if he sells; he is straight commission.  This makes him a bit more aggressive.

A female employee has started calling Mister on his wireless phone, telling him that customers are there, angry, waiting on him.  Every one of these calls has turned out to be false, as my husband has talked on the phone to the customer and actually sold them service with them being very pleased.

She has also begun complaining to her manager in the retailer that Mister is “interrupting her sales”, when in fact, she has neglected to serve her customers (has been standing around talking to other employees) and has missed opportunity to engage with her customers, so my husband has intercepted them first.  He has helped them with their satellite needs and often sold them not only his product, but also retail product as well.

This woman had a uber-woman-drama meltdown the other day  to her manager and told him that “she was so upset by what my Mister did to ‘interrupt’ her sale, that she “just wanted to go home for the whole day!’  Puhleese.

Drama, drama, and more drama.  She has engaged a man in the store to begin complaining about my husband to the manager as well.

Mister did talk to the manager yesterday and quell the storm, but he frankly just wants these women to stay the heck away from him.  They do not.  They pick fights.  They start drama.  They lie.  They create things that do not exist.  They manipulate and connive and destroy professional relationships.

This has to stop.

What’s a man to do?  (legally without getting sued, of course)..

All advice is welcome.

Blessings,

songtwoeleven

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22 thoughts on “Professional Sh*t Testing – how does a wife help her husband in the workplace?

  1. Dear Songtwoeleven,

    What you described is what I had suspected, although the other possibilities would have been easier to solve. The problem is that your husband is too good, and I am saying that in all seriousness. Dealing with envy from the mediocre can be an ongoing pain in the ass.

    “I am beginning to think that this store just has a little different “flavor”, so to speak, and so he will have to adjust accordingly.”

    Your husband knows that he has great value, so he is happy to appreciate greatness in others. Unfortunately, his co-workers are not the same, so he will have to give them unwarranted praise and collaboration, and in a way that will allow them to pretend that it was earned. (I know that this can be sickening, but the other option involves Voodoo dolls and pins.)

    “… one of the biggest issues is the territorial thing with the retail sales staff and the fact that Mister unwittingly makes them look bad. He says he would like to just develop an “I don’t care” attitude about customers who ask him for help because there are no attentive retail staff around, but says he “cannot change who he is” – and that he is a person who does the right thing. He perceives the right thing to be to help the customer himself until a retail staff person is located, which often takes some time.”

    Helping the customer himself is the ideal way to act, even in this store, as long as he is consciously diligent to not supersede the retail staff, and to build them up whenever possible. For example, once he locates the person who should have been there, he can introduce that person by saying something like: “here is someone who is the real expert [or] who taught me all of the things that I mentioned to you [or] who understands how to meet your needs much better than I do”, and so on.

    But the two immediate problems are the manager who is a dishonest people-pleaser, and the Drama Queen (her Guy B*tch coworker will just follow her lead).

    “I don’t know if the manager is just burnt out, or doesn’t know that my husband drives additional monies into his store, or what…it just doesn’t seem to be the case that they truly WANT my husband there, as did the previous store.”

    He probably just “people-pleased” his way into a position for which he was not qualified (and he may be totally clueless about what he actually needs to do), since his bosses obviously can’t tell the difference between appearance and substance, and is now trying to avoid doing anything that could get him fired.

    Your husband needs to appeal to the manager’s self-interest, and to relieve the external pressure created by the Drama Queen.

    “Their store gains A LOT by having him there: for each customer that purchases with my husband, rebates and gift cards drive over $150 per customer BACK into the retailer. When he was in our old town, the management knew this and was excited to have my husband selling because their sales increased.”

    Does your husband have data that he could present to this manager that would clearly show how the store benefits from the presence of your husband?

    The ideal solution would be for your husband to gently become a mentor to this manager, to build his self-confidence by showing him positive approaches to the aspects of his position that might seem overwhelming, and to help him visualize a path to success that would also greatly benefit your husband. It would then become much easier to guide him toward sending positive reports to your husband’s corporate sponsors, as one way to improve both of their relative positions (for example, the manager could then take credit, in reports he sent to his own bosses, for turning a bad situation into a force for positive change that is elevating his entire organization).

    But before this can happen, your husband must first relieve the pressure created by the Drama Queen.

    “With the employee in question, Drama Queen…I would venture to guess if I met her IRL (which I will eventually) she would be the typical young “independent, strong” feminist in the workplace. I would venture to guess that she enjoys in a way, controlling men with her emotions (as she did with her boss when she had a meltdown and “was so upset she just HAD to go home!” because of my husband helping her customer!). She doesn’t know what to do with the likes of a strong man who won’t kowtow to her emotional outbursts.”

    While Game can be used effectively in the workplace to create various levels of attraction in (sane) women, this might not be the best approach when dealing with this type of problematic woman. On the one hand, he would encounter resistance that was created by the feminist indoctrination that insists women should run the workplace (the situation would be different if he were trying to pick her up in a bar). On the other hand, if he did break through this resistance, she could become a psycho stalker, which would not improve the situation.

    So the better objective might be for him to use the concepts of Game to make himself be perceived by her as either neutral, or unattractive but tolerable, and to let her be in control in a mutually beneficial workplace arrangement that did not detract from his primary occupation .

    Essentially, he would become a somewhat distant beta orbiter. This should not be problematic, since they are not in the same management structure, so they can’t end up working together (or one for the other), in his primary occupation. All that he really needs from her is benevolent indifference.

    Nevertheless, I think that you should get a second opinion about this from someone like Athol Kay (marriedmansexlife[]com). He is willing to discuss issues through private emails, and an expert in Game may see this somewhat differently.

    One possible way to start dealing with the Drama Queen, in this way, consists of three parts:

    1) The first part is to make her feel that he has realized that she was right and he was wrong.

    A critical point to remember is that he must NEVER admit anything that is not already known, or that could be used against him (and there is a huge difference between everybody thinking that something is true, and actually admitting to it yourself).

    It is important to sound sincere. Notice the difference between the good version “I am sorry that I …”, and the bad version “I am sorry that you feel that I …”

    One possible script is: “I just wanted to say that I am sorry for [for example, intercepting your customers, and then selling to them from your area, instead of walking them over to you]. I was talking with my wife and she helped me to understand how this must have made you feel”.

    This explains why it took him so long to understand that he was a bad, bad man, and involves feelings, which for a woman trump everything else. LOL! But he would have to have some words and phrases from you that would sound genuine, in case she asks what you actually said to him.

    2) The second part is to give her a plausible reason for his behavior, and one that resonates with her.

    Preferably, this reason should be built around something that has a positive association for her. (But it is even more important to avoid anything with a negative association, like if someone said to you “I didn’t pick you up at the airport on time, because the bake sale at my Church of Satan ran overtime.)

    Her personal situation, beliefs and attitudes are central to this process.

    Does she like or hate children? How does she feel about mothers and infants? Does she think that children should be raised in a specific way? Is she fanatical about the environment and being “green”? And so on.

    This information would be used to continue the script: “I acted in such an unthinking way because I was too worried about making a good impression on the management. I have to / am trying to [for example, something important/serious about the children that is costly, or doing repairs on the house in a “green” way, or something else entirely], and you know how expensive that can be”.

    The point is to start creating the idea in her head that he is actually a good person because, even if he does not deal with stress/uncertainty as well as she would (as a strong and independent woman, of course!), he holds the correct (her) attitudes and beliefs, and is trying to act on them, to the best of his inadequate abilities, since he is only a man, after all.

    As he works to reveal this bond that she did not realize existed between them since the very beginning, it is very important, if he uses anything that is not actually true, that he does not invent anything that is specific and external enough that she would be able to disprove, if she were inclined to investigate or even try to participate.

    It is easy to get carried away, but he will be stuck with whatever imaginary world he creates.

    3) The third part is to create a path to a relationship that she considers positive, and that fits her biases.

    For example, he could suggest something that would be meaningful to her, and beneficial to both, that she would then control.

    In any case, your husband needs to tailor the approach using his style and words, and modify it until he is comfortable that it is appropriate to the situation. He is the one who is aware of all of the nuances, while this is only my best guess.

    On a slightly different topic:

    “Although I like Bee’s suggestion of being charming, having heard how this woman emotionally manipulates, I’m not so sure she wouldn’t project her own manipulative motives onto my husband if he brought a gift to her, or Kolaches to work for all the employees (although he does bring lunches for top producers, etc.). At his previous stores, he has brought doughnuts and such “just because” – but he hasn’t done that here yet. Perhaps he should start.”

    Doughnuts for everyone sound like a good idea, and a gift might work, but only after he has established a new context, within which the doughnuts and the gift fit the narrative that he has invented, and that she likes. Otherwise, she might present her interpretation of his actions, to the entire staff, and this interpretation would probably be the projection that you mentioned.

    HOWEVER, there is one HUGE caveat as far as bringing anything edible to people who are not your friends. Whatever he brings must NOT be homemade, and must be delivered with the safety seals intact. After it is unpacked and put out, preferably while he is not present, he should immediately eat random pieces, so that no one could start thinking that he had tampered with the food, in case the baker did a poor job.

    Songtwoeleven, your husband is certainly exceedingly lucky to have you as a wife. The few women like you give me hope that most women are not necessarily a lost cause.

    Best wishes.

    • anonymouse: Thank you again for your thoughtful replies; I can see that you have put much time and analysis into your answers. Thank you as well for your kind words.

      Yes, I think your analysis is quite insightful and correct. I have been reading what you have written and we have been speaking about what my husband will implement.

      BTW: today, my husband learned more about the Drama Queen by default, unintentionally, as he has been trying to develop relationships with some of the male sales staff at the retailer. This “poor girl” has a terrible reputation as a whore that precedes her…the young men there do not think much of her at all, saying that she is “seeing a different guy for every day of the week.” She has a bad rep for having a bad attitude as well.

      We are hoping that the men will “have my husband’s back” if she tries anything new in the way of complaint to management about him.

  2. “I was reading your comments over at SSM’s place, and since you seemed like a nice and smart lady, I clicked on your name, and found your question.”

    I want to second what anonymouse said, your good attitudes are what makes me want to help and pray for you and your husband. From your posts and comments on other blog; It is obvious you have a submissive spirit, you stay home with your children, you respect your husband, and your husband does not force you to work outside your home. Kudo’s to you both.

    • Thank you so much, Bee. We do so appreciate your prayers and thoughtful comments – and those of others who have shared here. We often feel like “outsiders” in the Real World, as I have shared previously, and since we haven’t had a chance to build relationships in our new town yet, it sure does help to have online conversations about these issues!

      Bless you!

    • Thank you for your prayers – this really is where the battle will be won – on our knees, crying out to God, as you said. Yes, we have done this, but not so much lately – seems we’ve gotten “covered up with day to day life” and fallen in the habit of praying together, especially when there is a trial.

      Thanks for the reminder.

  3. I don’t have too much to contribute, I’m afraid, since I think things are too far gone, nowadays (Your post is just further confirmation that the lunatics are running the asylum). I can merely give you the way I got out of the workplace gynocracy. …Self-employment (and an initial wage-cut) in a field where (without giving too many details) I don’t have to deal with the demands of women. …Difficult, and rather a jump. But worth it. Thank the Lord.

    One thing I would say is that if a woman does drag him before a male superior, and the latter is one of those men who is so terrified of upsetting women that he dismisses your husband, remember that you’re a woman too — ring the guy up and give him the truth. It will likely blow his mind. …And though he may not reinstate your husband, it might help the trouble-making woman’s next male victim. I personally was always rather sceptical of ‘red pill’ wisdom (which I now see is really only the rediscovery of long-lost Biblical truth), until I heard it affirmed from the mouths of women. I’d long been leaning that way, but believed that it must mean I was a male chauvinist, and so was rather guarded about my thoughts. Hearing women saying the same thing as I was thinking was immensely liberating, and really a blessing from God. Indeed, it bore out the truth of Scripture — Biblical roles and attitudes are pretty much the polar opposite of modern ones.

    May God guide you in this, anyway, Song.

  4. Dear songtwoeleven,

    There seem to be two categories of women that are causing problems for your husband: 1) those who are after his money, and 2) those who are trying to get him fired.

    Is there anything that your husband can do to make himself less identifiable as a target, by the dishonest? Great salesmen like to talk, and this can easily lead to saying too much to people who have no need to know.

    Depending on the laws in your state, a wearable camera (like those from “spy” shops) that also records sound could be a good insurance policy. However, you must first talk to a lawyer, because some privacy and wiretapping laws state that audio recording is allowed but not video, or video but not audio, or both could be allowed or both could be illegal. (District Attorneys sometimes offer information packages that include this type of information. In any case, the information on which you rely must be definitive and official.)

    Also, the device would have to be designed so that even if it is discovered, it would not be recognizable (and self-contained only, no wireless), since even if it is legal, it could still get him fired or banned.

    “So, I think it is a desire to “just keep the peace” so he can “just keep his JOB” that keeps my husband from trying to run any game on these out-of-control females he seems to KEEP encountering.”

    In a sense, a man is always “running Game”, because “Game” = “interacting with women”. By not running intentional (and conscious) Game, he is running random Game (he is not anticipating the results of his actions), which will be ineffective, at best. At worst, it allows/leads him to reject them in a way that makes them feel scorned, which is always a very bad idea.

    Your husband may not be familiar with some of the relevant facets of Game, since it should be rather easy to play with these women in a way that makes them feel desirable, and also willing to accept his “idiosyncrasy” of monogamy.

    You might want to ask hawaiianlibertarian[]blogspot[]com to take a quick look at this page, and then to recommend a few sites (all of the good ones are free) that present Game from a perspective that would translate easily to the workplace.

    “Like moths to a flame they flutter to him, but within days they are screaming about his “aggression” being too much, his personality being “too controlling” and basically b*tching about everything they LOVE about him. Yes, I have been one of them early in our marriage (repentant smile).”

    If you can figure out why you started to react negatively, in this same way (instead of continuing to just tingle), you will be a long way toward figuring out how he can avoid inducing this reaction in the women at work.

    His relationship with you must necessarily be different than his relationship with other women. While all women will respond to his dominance, he probably needs to express certain aspects, and levels!, of it only when he is with you.

    “One woman in a retailer who was a retail employee created all sorts of lies about my Mister and had him thrown out of the retailer for “being too aggressive” with “her” customers.”

    He may not realize how his attitude and behavior are being perceived. I don’t know what you meant by “aggressive” (which can be anything from approaching as many people as possible in a non-stress-inducing way, all the way to appearing to be a bully). Since he is successfully selling, his customers don’t see him as a bully, but they are not the central players there, unfortunately.

    People tend to react very badly to what they perceive as an obnoxious hard-sell, and having to work next to a person perceived to be this way can easily grate to the point that getting rid of that person becomes a very high priority.

    “She has also begun complaining to her manager in the retailer that Mister is “interrupting her sales”, when in fact, she has neglected to serve her customers (has been standing around talking to other employees) and has missed opportunity to engage with her customers, so my husband has intercepted them first. He has helped them with their satellite needs and often sold them not only his product, [***> but also retail product as well <***].

    This approach is probably the cause of most of his problems. (He doesn't get a commission from store products, right?)

    Since he is not in their management structure, and isn't a structural competitor for prestige, positions or promotions, and since a satellite contract has no effect, for example, on a cell phone contract or the sale of a TV, if they didn't want to collaborate with him, the easiest thing to do would be to ignore him, all else being equal.

    But all else is not equal, since he has turned himself into a direct competitor, who is also perceived as an enemy.

    But please understand that I am not criticizing who he is, but only how he is adapting to his (degenerate) environment. Since I also have no patience for people like his co-workers, if I were in that industry, I would solve his problem by offering him a job.

    But we must deal with reality as it exists. Next time, he should start by treating the store as the home of the regular staff, asking them for advice (this is the easiest way to get them on his side), learning about related products (he has already done this, from what you have said), and establishing informal networks with them, by offering to help when they are overwhelmed, and suggesting that they refer customers to each other.

    The salesman who induced me to get more information about Direct TV started by telling me that he would also be able to help answer questions about the many varieties of TVs that were on display, and then mentioned that he was offering a special deal to the members of the warehouse store, in addition to offering more for less than the cable companies. Once we were done, he pointed out the benefits of products in adjacent areas (presumably the ones that his networking buddies were pushing at the time), *and referred me to them*.

    "I should mention that my husband is one of the best in the Nation at his job. Several times he has been the best in the Nation."

    He must certainly be proud of his achievements, as he should be (and as you obviously are – you are a great wife!). Nevertheless, when he mentions them to others, he should always remember to celebrate with humility.

    But the most pressing issue is for him to repair his relationship with the woman who is his immediate problem.

    If you will provide whatever details he has about her personal and work situations, I will suggest approaches that may be able to get her on his side.

    Best wishes.

    • I just wanted to emphasize that I am not actually in disagreement with your husband. I have been analyzing only him, and significantly out of context, because that is the only point where change can actually be effected.

      I empathize and sympathize with him, and I do understand the whole picture: the retail store has lazy, unmotivated and apathetic employees, so management is happy that your husband is jumping in and doing their work; the employees resent the encroachment on their territory and being made to look bad; management is not solving its personnel problems, but would be happy to fire your husband if it looked like they would have to deal with bullshit “hostile workplace” complaints.

      Ultimately, your husband has to negotiate the lesser of two evils, and that type of a choice is a sure sign of what I called a “degenerate environment”.

      • anonymouse:

        Okay, after some thought and now that I have an opportunity to properly reply, I can answer some of your questions.

        My husband is aggressive in that he talks to everyone. Literally everyone that comes his way is engaged in conversation, whether brief or involved. He is NOT a hard-sell; he acts as a servant. Since I worked with him (at another company in sales) for almost a year, I can tell you that he is just gregarious by nature and could talk to a tree stump and get it to respond! Well, not quite, but you get the picture. He is a natural conversationalist and customers (I should emphasize CUSTOMERS) just love him.

        Management at his previous store(s) has also just loved him, with the exception of the spineless manager who took up the cause of the two disgruntled employees at the single retailer in our old town. He was not “allowed” to sell there, but he could send his employees to sell there. The management didn’t like his employees being there either: this was a single store issue, I believe. BUT: the issue with the woman in the store (and the wimpy man she collaborated with in complaining to the retail manager) is similar to what he is dealing with in the new town/market.

        He has favor with superiors within the corporate structure as well; it really would take a LOT to have him removed from the business entirely, but as it stands, the situation makes him uncomfortable and as you know, an uncomfortable, possibly fearful and anxious salesman is not good. People can feel it. Further, he needs to find a way to overcome this pattern, as you have said, since all he can change is himself.

        The woman at the store is a young, above-average in physical attractiveness type. He doesn’t know much more about her, as since he has discovered that she is the “problem” and that she is a Drama Queen, he really doesn’t want anything to do with her. This is abnormal; most of the time when he works, he tries to make friends with the employees and serve them: he has told me that this store is a lot different than the stores he has worked with in the past, in that they are not so interested in working with him. Their store gains A LOT by having him there: for each customer that purchases with my husband, rebates and gift cards drive over $150 per customer BACK into the retailer. When he was in our old town, the management knew this and was excited to have my husband selling because their sales increased. Somehow, this doesn’t seem to be translating here at the new store. I don’t know if the manager is just burnt out, or doesn’t know that my husband drives additional monies into his store, or what…it just doesn’t seem to be the case that they truly WANT my husband there, as did the previous store.

        The manager is clearly a people-pleaser. He said one thing in writing to my husband’s corporate sponsors (when he passed along the complaint of Drama Queen and Her Guy B*tch coworker), and then said another thing entirely when he spoke with my husband. He’s totally PC: he is steeped in modern workplace bullcrap. Please excuse my language, but he is. So, it is not a case of WYSIWYG with this guy; you never really know if he’s being upfront and honest.

        It really boils down to my husband having a very strong personality. When you asked me what it was that turned my “tingles” into irritation at his dominant qualities after a little while in our relationship, it was apparent to me after a few moments of thought. I didn’t really know how to articulate it, but I find it to be a common theme among manosphere commenters: the very things that drew me to him made me outwardly irritated (but inwardly pleased). I complained about what I TRULY LOVED in him: his strength, his unwavering moods, his inability to be affected by my emotions, his charisma, his charm, his wit and humor, his loudness, his confidence and cockiness…I LOVED (and still do love) all of this. BUT: early in our relationship, after the initial attraction, I was outwardly irritated by it BECAUSE I COULD NOT CONTROL HIM LIKE I HAD BEEN ABLE TO CONTROL OTHER, WEAKER MEN. It was a bit frightening, because here was TRUE masculinity embodied right in front of me in my husband, and I was befuddled because I HAD NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE and certainly hadn’t been in relationship with a strong man before.

        It really exposed my heart, and God began to deal with my heart and my ability to trust Him and trust the husband He gave me, while giving up control. I grew to realize that there was no point in going all Drama on my husband because he would not react. I grew to realize that he was the rudder of the ship of our marriage – he was going to steer it, he was going to lead…whether I was going to follow or not. I was out of control. I grew to enjoy being surrendered.

        With the employee in question, Drama Queen…I would venture to guess if I met her IRL (which I will eventually) she would be the typical young “independent, strong” feminist in the workplace. I would venture to guess that she enjoys in a way, controlling men with her emotions (as she did with her boss when she had a meltdown and “was so upset she just HAD to go home!” because of my husband helping her customer!). She doesn’t know what to do with the likes of a strong man who won’t kowtow to her emotional outbursts. My husband just “left the building” mentally with her: he will not engage with her; he will not suck-up to her. He just ignores her now and that drives her even more insane. This is the “unintentional game” that you are referring to, I believe. And while it worked in our MARRIAGE….in the PC charged environment of the workplace, The Matriarchy rules and I’m not so sure it will work.

        I don’t know what will work. Although I like Bee’s suggestion of being charming, having heard how this woman emotionally manipulates, I’m not so sure she wouldn’t project her own manipulative motives onto my husband if he brought a gift to her, or Kolaches to work for all the employees (although he does bring lunches for top producers, etc.). At his previous stores, he has brought doughnuts and such “just because” – but he hasn’t done that here yet. Perhaps he should start.

        We will see how things go. Does this information help you? I do so appreciate the time and thought you have put toward helping us. Thank you! Look forward to hearing from you!

        Oh: my husband realized several months ago, prior to being sued by that girl in the previous city, that loose lips sink ships when sharing info with co-workers/subordinates. He has stopped all chit-chat; it’s all business unless there is an immediate trust (he senses the chance to mentor an employee into management) and he will share a little more than with the others. So, he’s a bit of a closed book. He used to have “Team” nights where he would take his employees out for wings and they could have beer on their nickel if they desired. He never drank with them. He let them drink freely and he conducted his meeting at Team Night, and then excused himself and left them to blow off some steam.

        He will share more with his customers that with his employees/co-workers at the retail store. He does see himself as a guest in their stores because he values his ability to use their storefront, and will often go out in the parking lot and just clean up carts, help customers in and out with purchases, etc. At previous locations, this was appreciated.

        I am beginning to think that this store just has a little different “flavor”, so to speak, and so he will have to adjust accordingly.

    • I appreciate your thoughtful and thought-provoking reply! There is much truth in what you spoke. Some of the things you have recommended are already in place, post “Management Conversation” the other day., i.e., “making better relationships with the retail sales staff.”

      In any event, I think you are correct that one of the biggest issues is the territorial thing with the retail sales staff and the fact that Mister unwittingly makes them look bad. He says he would like to just develop an “I don’t care” attitude about customers who ask him for help because there are no attentive retail staff around, but says he “cannot change who he is” – and that he is a person who does the right thing. He perceives the right thing to be to help the customer himself until a retail staff person is located, which often takes some time.

      I am thinking about why I initially became irritated with him in our relationship and I think I’ve got it; more later. Little ones beckon and I’ve got to get Mister prepped to drive about nine hours today.

  5. I was reading your comments over at SSM’s place, and since you seemed like a nice and smart lady, I clicked on your name, and found your question.

    It is quite late here for me to be doing any significant thinking now, but I do have a question for you.

    Because it is impossible to hold women accountable for anything, there is essentially no action that he could take against them that would not be more costly than simply moving to a different retail location. So the only other option is for him to change his behavior.

    Since this problem has recurred across a significant geographic area, it seems that the people who surround your husband are somehow being incited by him.

    Please understand that I am not criticizing him. Those people should be drop-kicked out the front door, but since that isn’t an option, all that he can do is to change what he can.

    How exactly does he behave at work? (A useful answer will not be short.)

    You wrote that he has natural game, but deliberately does not use it on the women at work, but is aggressive in pursuit of customers.

    The problem, and the solution, lie in how the women perceive him, and how they perceive the combination of his behavior toward them and toward his customers.

    I will check back later to see if we can figure out how to start fixing this.

    Best wishes.

    • anonymouse: Thank you for your response and your kind words. I will do my best to describe how my husband behaves at work after I cook breakfast and take care of little ones prior to their nap.

      Thanks again!

      • songtwoeleven,

        I just returned home and reread your question (while awake, this time) and I have some thoughts and some more specific questions, which I will be posting tonight. The thinking that you have done so far regarding my vague “tell me everything” question will be valuable, but don’t waste any more time trying to write an actual answer, for now.

        Best wishes.

  6. Could he protect himself by secretly recording (audio or video) this complaining person? Could he charm a “friend” there to be an eyewitness for him?

    Could he run some game on the complainer to charm her a little?

    A gift given in secret subdues anger. Prov 21:14. I did this once with a co-worker whom I offended by stopping him from cheating a customer. It had a good result.

    • Thanks, Bee. I’m not sure if he can legally record anything. I do like the “friend” eyewitness thing; it might be a challenge since we have lived in this community for one month and know almost no one in the area.

      I like the “game the complainer” thing, too. But: if she gets “offended” somehow and this turns into a “sexual harassment” deal, it will be very bad. It depends on how this woman will react, now that she has “taken the upper hand” at work by going to her boss, who in turn, called the Corporate contract holders who allow my husband to sell.

      She already perceives that she has “power”. If she thinks he’s sucking up to her or hitting on her trying to manipulate her into “liking” his presence in “her” territory…I dunno’.

      You tell me. She sounds like a beast to me. She is above-average in physical looks says Mister; she is probably accustomed to getting everything she wants.

      • I was thinking of a “friend” who works at the same store. A fellow employee’s testimony will carry more weight to counter this woman than an outsider. Any guys that work there that might warm up to your husband? Any guys he could take to lunch or go to a sports bar with?

        Your husband is a great salesman so he obviously has the correct mix of Alpha & Beta for sales. But he may need to up the Beta and dial back the Alpha when dealing with the employees or with the women employees.

        She has also begun complaining to her manager in the retailer that Mister is “interrupting her sales”, when in fact, she has neglected to serve her customers (has been standing around talking to other employees) and has missed opportunity to engage with her customers, so my husband has intercepted them first.

        Most employee’s are very sensitive & protective about competition, being showed up so they lose their job. There is a Chinese saying, “Don’t interfere with another worker’s rice bowl.” I would strongly encourage your husband to stop intercepting or helping the store with her missed customers. Better to let the store suffer some loss in business than to upset the store employees. Almost all managers are political creatures, they care more about keeping the peace and not rocking the boat than they do about who is right and who is wrong. In their minds a harmonious “team” atmosphere is more important than some additional sales. Your husband sounds a little to aggressive at work, he may need to adopt a passive, “don’t care too much” attitude.

        I still like the gift in secret idea from Proverbs. It would need to be non-romantic but something she would like. Because of the romantic implications I would wait until Valentines Day is past before doing this. I know that this woman does not deserve a gift, but sometimes that is what needs done.

        Does your husband every buy a box of donuts or a box of kolaches and set them out for all the employees? I’ve done this. It is a good way to build bridges and win others.

        Proverbs talks a lot about praying and crying out loud for wisdom. Wisdom can be general everday life things or it can be specific to a need. Have you and your husband, together, cried out to God for specific wisdom on how to win this woman to your side?

        Paul acted a little like a chamelon so he could win others. I Corinthians 9: 19 – 24. Sometimes you have to play dumb to get along. I am not saying be unrighteous, but I am saying to be, “as wise as serpents…”

  7. How can I help my husband deal with serious sh*t-testing from unrelated women at work?

    You can’t do anything at his work.

    The parking lot outside of work with a crowbar, however… 😉

    Not being a lawyer, I really can’t suggest anything other than drinking on the job, since the laws are so stacked against him. Maybe some kind of stress reliever during the day might help, like a punching bag or one of those balls you squeeze. Or a quick trip home at lunchtime. 😉

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