OOOOOO, Baby! A pregnant wife’s sex tips for Mama-to-be

Okay, ladies.  I couldn’t help myself.  Women complain and carry on about sex during pregnancy:  they either love it or they HATE it and just suck it up and try to endure it.

Well, here is a short list of things that have really helped me and Mister (our sixth child is due to arrive in May):

  • Morning sickness can really ruin the first three months.  Intercourse?  Ha!  Blowjob?  That’s hilarious – when you can hardly brush your teeth without gagging.  Ladies, a simple solution to morning sickness (of the morning variety) is popcorn.  Keep dry popcorn by your bedside; munch on it.  Try saltines, too.  Whatever helps you.  Popcorn was my thing.  If you find that you have “morning” sickness all night long (like me), try my Midwife’s trick:  three grapes every hour, on the hour.  Three green grapes.  Works like a charm, and then you at least have enough relief to love your husband at night (if not in the morning).  Ginger root tea helps nausea, too.   Warning:  too much and you’ll have the runs…
  • Hone your hand-job skills.  Yet another good use for Virgin COCONUT OIL.  Same for blow-jobs, ladies.  If you absolutely cannot fathom intercourse…these are great options, even with a dry mouth.
  • Invest in some pure Almond oil.  You can get it at the health food store.  Use it for perineal massage, because not only will this help you when you are pushing your baby into the world, but it will do wonders for your comfort and pleasure during pregnant sex.  Your husband may enjoy massaging you, as well.  Just make sure to wash it off after sex; oil tends to help bacteria flourish if you do not wash it off.
  • Get a great bra as soon as you learn that you are pregnant.  The Girls are going to feel much better if they are properly fitted and supported during pregnancy, and since they can be so sensitive (which can be a good thing), the better supported and comfortable they are, the less you will feel like making them off-limits for your husband during sex.
  • Spend time on your hands and knees for twenty minutes, three times daily.  Rock your pelvis toward the floor, and then toward the ceiling.  Your body is going to develop all kinds of little aches as your pregnancy progresses because of the hormone Relaxin that is causing your joints to literally relax in preparation for the birth.  Let your belly just hang there while you do this “pelvic tilt”.  This is also a great position for sex with your husband when you are really getting big!  He will probably enjoy the view of you doing all those pelvic tilts!
  • Take a nice, warm (not hot) sitz bath with a cup of baking soda once daily (or more if you are suffering with more frequent yeast infections during pregnancy).  This can really help.  Some of us keep breastfeeding older children during pregnancy, and this causes a lot of soreness “down there”.  Keep this at bay with these baking soda sitz baths.  It’s also very relaxing before sex, and if you are sweating like a french whore in church like I am when you’re expecting, it is refreshing and your husband will appreciate it!
  • Be aware that after that pukey first trimester is over, you are going to be one horny mama.  Seriously.  They don’t call it the “honeymoon trimester” for nothing, ladies. More blood flow to your nether regions and the ensuing hormone cocktail means you want it and you want it NOW! Take advantage of this phase, because when you are fuller and rounder, it will become more difficult and you will have to get creative with positioning.
  • During the third trimester, unless you are restricted for medical reasons, try to have as much sex with your husband as you possibly can.  It is great for preparing your body for labor.  The semen helps soften the cervix to prepare for labor.  The semen contains prostaglandins, which cause mild uterine contractions (you have probably already felt those Braxton-Hicks contractions to compare) and help prepare your uterus for the real deal soon.  Orgasm can do the same for you – causing mild uterine contractions.  But don’t worry if you are having issues having a Big O in the late third trimester; just tell your husband that all this sex is for HIS benefit and that of your new baby!
  • All those vitamins are good for your hair, and your hair won’t shed during pregnancy – a great time to grow it out long if this is something your husband has wanted.  Pregnancy hair = very, very sexy shiny, healthy, thick hair.
  • There are some online sites for absolutely gorgeous pregnancy and nursing lingerie – sexy, too, not all matronly!  This can be pricey; a low-cost sub my husband always found sexy was just naked, pregnant me – or me in a bikini, pregnant, cooking dinner…try it and see what your husband thinks.
  • At some point, your belly is going to make it impossible for you to see your toes, much less your pubic hair…many husbands love to take over this portion of “wifely responsibility” at this point – see if your husband would find it sexy to give you a new ‘do down there.  Nice foreplay and healthier than waxing during pregnancy!
Advertisements

8 thoughts on “OOOOOO, Baby! A pregnant wife’s sex tips for Mama-to-be

  1. sweating like a french whore in church

    Bwahahahaha! That’s funny.

    Sadly, I probably won’t ever end up needing these tips again, but I wish I’d known about the baking soda sitz baths.

    Ah, the memories of second trimester sex…so delightful.

    • Glad to give you a laugh, ssm, in your state of recovery! That’s some true Southernese right there…

      A nutritionist taught me about the sitz baths. They do wonders.

      You never know…you may be surprised with another child. (cyber-rubbing my pregnant belly in your direction)…smile

  2. At some point, your belly is going to make it impossible for you to see your toes, much less your pubic hair…many husbands love to take over this portion of “wifely responsibility” at this point – see if your husband would find it sexy to give you a new ‘do down there. Nice foreplay and healthier than waxing during pregnancy!

    Song, do you remove yours? You mentioned today over at SSM’s that you don’t dye your hair (and I’m right there with you on that — it’s just ungrateful to reject the colouring God gave us), and moreover that you’re a strawberry blonde. Therefore you have ginger pubic hair! Girl, you’ve won the pubic lottery! Women would kill for a pretty little orange triangle like yours (and from what I hear, men invariably love the fact that “the carpet matches the drapes”!)… Why wax it off?

    And why on earth was a natural redhead dyeing her hair anyway, when her man not only hated the artifice, but loved her God-given colour? …And when women all over the place are paying to become redheads out of a bottle? If I’d been you, I’d’ve been determined to keep and show off my colour (at the risk of committing the sin of pride 😉 ). You lucky girl!

    P.S. Have you had other girls/women checking you out in locker rooms and so on, to see what colour your bush is? I remember hearing a couple of red-headed women saying that they noticed other women surreptitiously trying to get a glimpse of theirs… They also mentioned that they got many pube-related insults (no doubt from morons and jealous b*tches): what’s wrong with people?

    • I’m worrying that my comment might have upset you, Song: I wrote the above in bed, and was half-asleep, and honestly I did not mean to offend you. I understand that natural redheads often get a hard time about their hair (I’ve heard the childish schoolyard insults about “ginger pubes”): hearing that you felt it a “wifely responsibility” to wax yours just made me feel like giving you some moral support. It seems I did so badly, though…

      Forgive me: I’ll go back into lurk-mode and comment no further.

      • No offense, 1Corintians 11:9 – I just didn’t quite know what to say. So, now I will say this: I don’t advocate completely removing one’s pubic hair, nor would my husband like this. For lack of a better way of explaining it, my husband is more of a “’70’s Playboy” kind of guy in this area than a “modern metrosexual male” who wants to be hairless and have a hairless woman as well. My husband had a business partner who was in his twenties, who got drunk and confessed that he likes hairless on is wife, and she likes hairless on him. To each his own, I guess…

        It’s just easier when a woman is pregnant to have a shave of some kind. This is due to various reasons: comfort (body temp is raised in pregnancy, vaginal discharge is increased), and convenience (birth is better for the attendant when the hair is trim, and also after the birth, it is cleaner). Usually, if I am going to shave (I do not wax, but many women do and it is dangerous in pregnancy) I do it myself. But, my belly is so big that there is no way it could happen by my own hands. Hence, the suggestion for pregnant wives to have their husband do this.

        No, I’ve never had women act all rude about the color of my “carpet”, but I have had men ask in public! I think that’s part of the reason I didn’t know how to respond to you – just being taken aback as I have been at a bar and grill or something, and having some drunk guy ask me if I am a “real” redhead…like, “down there”. Ugh.

      • Thanks, Song, for your reply — I was relieved to hear that I hadn’t upset you! (I get carried away on times… 😉 )

        I think it’s common for jerks to make the sort of comment you mentioned to redheaded girls (I think men are just immensely turned on by the thought of the gorgeous hue of your “crowning glory” down there!): but women can be as boorish as the men — if the accounts I’ve heard from redheads are anything to go by. One in particular sticks in my mind: a mild-mannered red-haired lady went into hospital to have her baby. When her nether parts were uncovered, the (brunette) nurse standing by the bedside took one look at her pubic hair and — get this — burst out laughing. Can you imagine? Yes, a nurse. The mother-to-be was a quiet lady, and not knowing what to say, simply blushed. Oh, but it makes me so angry! Were I her superior, that idiotic nurse would’ve been forced to apologise on her hands and knees or forfeit her job. …But then I think nurses these days are very frequently dim, heartless and lewd, because nursing is no longer the vocation it was, and so they’re just another bunch of “modern” working women.

        …And I believe that the guys have an even worse time of it — something which the Manosphere either overlooks or simply chooses not to highlight (probably for fear of appearing unmanly or for reasons to do with male pride). But take a look at this article, Song (including the comments section). …Maybe material for one of your excellent posts: it’s got a good many themes of interest — male humiliation, the myth of female sexlessness/moral superiority, and the feminine imperative. Medicine too has been screwed up by the sisterhood. I’d love to hear what you think, anyway, when you have a moment.

        …And I hope number six has your glorious ginger-gene too: there’s just something captivating about little copper-knobs… 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s