Little man and his precious heart


So, here is a picture of Corwin s heart.  He has a very common congenital heart defect called ventricular septal defect. He also has an av canal and a cleft mitral valve, but these are not significant.

He also likely has trisomy 21, based upon some characteristics, but genetics will take about two weeks to come back.

He is fearfully and wonderfully made and our gift from Jesus, and we delight in him!!!!

He will likely require heart surgery within three to six months, so please continue to pray for him to grow big and strong, so he can have any surgery he needs.

Thank you everyone who reads for your prayers.  God bless you and keep you.



Please pray for our little boy

C. J. Is now in nicu.

There have been multiple issues, but he is having an echo on his heart this morning, which is the most pressing issue. We ask for your prayers for God to care for him, and to ensure there is no heart defect. The doctor didn’t think so last night when we transferred him, but he needs oxygen and there is a reason why. We need God to reveal this to us so we can treat it, or ask our Jesus to heal C.J.

Thank you.


It’s a boy!!!!

At nine thirty three this morning, we welcomed our new son to the family about a week early.  All are doing well and the Lord has blessed us with good health, a smooth delivery, and a beautiful and healthy baby.


Oh, be careful little ears what you hear…

Do you remember teaching your children that sweet song when they were pre-schoolers?

“Oh, be careful little ears what you hear,

Oh, be careful little ears what you hear,

‘Cause the Father up above 

Is looking down in Love,

Oh, be careful little ears what you hear.”


You can go on and on with other body parts:  eyes seeing, hands touching, feet walking…you get the idea.  I have never had a child learn the song that didn’t love it.

This is theology 101 for little children, but for those of us who were not raised in Christ-centered homes and families, it is good to really meditate on the truth of this simple song.  After all, the  Gospel should be so simple that a child can understand and obey!

In my last post, I was surprised to explore the extraordinary differences between men and women in health care situations, and surprised at some of my mindsets concerning the matter.  Particularly, I was surprised that I had accepted the societal norm (versus the Biblical norm) of opposite-gender care for intimate medical situations.  When my body reacted severely to a man’s touch and presence for obstetric care, I was unexpectedly shocked.  I caught myself feeling as though I were the “abnormal” one, when in fact, this is a perfectly natural and normal physiological reaction from even a woman who HASN’T suffered physical and sexual abuse!  After all, my body belongs to Col. T.

In any event, I began to ponder something simple.  Please be patient, and feel free to correct me here, because I am just beginning to flesh this out via the written word.  As we learn to think and behave in a counter-cultural way, God is going to be constantly teaching and guiding and correcting.

I believe that women are created by God to be “ones who receive” and “ones who submit”, and men are created by God to be “ones who send” and “ones who walk in authority”.  This is true of body, mind and spirit in each gender, and this is scriptural.

However, because we have strayed from God’s created order via feminist society, and because we have strayed from obedience to God’s commands in all other areas of our lives in secular society, we have created chaos.  

One area in which this has become increasingly clear to me is in the area of medical care.  I find it fascinating that one of the names of our Lord is The Great Physician, and yet there are so few physicians or other medical personnel today that even acknowledge this.  Somehow, they ignore The Great Physician, and the way He knit together the bodies of those whom they treat.  Somehow, their pride makes them believe that they are in control of God’s creation, when this is so very far from the Truth.

The issue that I see clearly is this:  opposite gender care from a medical provider opens the person being cared for to receiving incorrect messages and incorrect physical touches if the patient is a woman.  It opens her to receiving incorrect spiritual information into her spirit and heart as well, and we are commanded to guard our hearts!  Further, it opens her to obeying an authority other than her husband, if he is not physically present during her care, which is common. Cumulatively, this causes a disruption in peace in the woman because all of these things are contrary to her created nature.  

With men, because they are designed to be authoritative and hearing God and speaking His word, having dominion over creation, this same type of medical care by a female seems to usurp the very created nature of man!  As a patient, a man is suddenly under the authority of women (nurses, nurses aides, assistants, etc.) and even female physicians and medical students.  If he dare challenge this, he is ridiculed and shamed for desiring to uphold his masculinity and modesty. He loses his ability to have dominion.  He is vulnerable before women.  

I am grateful to a reader for sharing some website links that clarify this; apparently, this is quite an issue among God’s people who wish to pursue modesty.  Until recently, I had seen only female caregivers intentionally.  It was only after I found myself in dire need of a health care provider that I accepted a male caregiver as a Midwife, and discovered the gravity of this particular situation.  After my experience, it came to my attention that this is a man’s problem as well, and not just a women’s issue – my eyes have been opened!

My reader, WWW, says, in response to my statement that I literally felt weird and subsequently developed high blood pressure due to stress,  for feeling ill at ease with a male Midwife:

…And that is what the medical profession and their acolytes will play on: they will make you feel as though you are weak/abnormal for feeling the way you do. It’s even worse for men, since not only is the man put in a vulnerable and emasculating position, but if he objects, he is made to feel even less of a man for doing so, and hence emasculated further. And they wonder why men are notoriously reluctant to visit the doctor…


Nurses have traditionally been predominantly female, and this remains the norm, even in this feminist society.  Now that more Physicians are female, I am learning that more and more men are very, very uncomfortable seeing a female Physician due to modesty issues and the like.  

Note the following, which is  a comment made by a reader on a link sent to me via my reader WWW:

First off, I am a healthy 23 year old male. The flu had been spreading around my work so my boss offered to send all employees to the doctors office for preventative medication. I decided that it would be a smart move and made as appointment that day and went it. I politely informed the doctor right away that I was very uncomfortable around doctors, she acted like she had never heard this before and told be she was not going to take “attitude” from me. She then told be to take off all of my clothes. I told her I was not comfortable getting naked for her and asked her why such as intrusive physical was needed for preventative flu medication. She told be she was the doctor and my work was paying for it “so what should it matter.” She stated that I needed a genital and rectal exam or I could go somewhere else. I told her no again and she left the room, expecting that I would undress with her absent. I could hear her talking with the nurses out side the door about how rude I was. When she came in again I was still dressed, and she was visibly agitated by this. She was incredibly intrusive and disrespectful, but I got my way. A prescription with clothes on. My work wasn’t to happy to hear about my experience. Do not let doctors try and intimidate you into doing things that are both unnecessary and against your wishes.

– J ( Male ) From Tucson, az


Now, if a woman had complained like this, the whole Galaxy would have heard about it.  Yet, here is a man, suffering  humiliation at the hands of a health care practitioner, and this information was so obscure that I never would have located it on my own!  

However, that’s really not my main focus.  I realize we have a different set of “rules” in our society for men and women; we blog about it endlessly in the ‘sphere.  My main focus is to illustrate how the egalitarian views we have adopted in modern America have influenced such basic things as the care of our bodies by physicians and other health care professionals.

The Bible clearly says that our bodies are not our own:  they belong to God, as He created them for a temple for His Spirit.   If we are unmarried, we honor Him in modesty, purity and chastity with our bodies as His temple.  When we marry, we honor Him with fidelity to our spouse, and we further honor God by giving our body to our spouse – our body literally belongs to our spouse as we become one flesh in matrimony.

No wonder we feel something rising up in our spirits and even physical manifestations, such as my radically increased blood pressure the other day in the presence of my male Midwife.  We were not designed to be outside of the created order for our bodies, minds and spirits.  We are spirit beings, but we live in these fleshly bodies, and sometimes the only way we are going to sense a problem is when something comes into our body (through a spoken word, or a touch, or something we sense in another manner).  In my experience, it was the physical presence, physical touch during examinations and the spoken words of fear versus faith that alarmed my body and mind to a severe issue.  

Coming full-circle to the children’s song once more, we need to be very careful what we allow our five senses to receive as bible-believing women (and men).  Of course, we know this as Christians, but are we really thinking about this at all times?  Are we thinking about this when thinking of allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, and in a place of physical and even emotional submission to another person, other than our husbands?  Are you gentlemen thinking of how it is affecting your soul – your mind, will and emotions – to succumb to the will of a female in authority over you and your body?  Personally, I am becoming convinced that  these things are more serious than we realize and effect some of us more deeply than others, and therefore we should all guard ourselves vigilantly.

Ladies, I know (and you can read in my last post) that I literally felt “torn” emotionally between submitting to the will of a male Midwife, and submitting to the will and wisdom of my husband!  This is a terrible position, and I do not wish this for anyone.  I shed tears over this in the hospital, and felt fear, and a desire to please God.  Thankfully, I chose to listen to my husband, even though it meant (for me) signing out of the hospital almost nineteen hours earlier than the Dr. requested, and Against Medical Advice.  

Gentlemen, might I suggest that it would be uncomfortable at the least to feel that you must give of your body and modesty and surrender your will in vulnerability to a female in authority over you – a Doctor or other health care professional.  I know I was not surprised to read the stories of men who felt very violated by females in positions of authority over their bodies.  This ought not be.

We ladies need to be careful what we are receiving into ourselves, for as I said, we are made to receive.  It is dangerous to have body boundaries violated by anyone (health care professionals included) and it carries serious consequences for a wife.  Trust me on this one.

Thank you for considering this, and thank you my reader, WWW, for bringing this to my attention and allowing the Holy Spirit to use you in this way.  Comments, of course, are always welcome!





“For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land.”






Perfect Love Casts out Fear

“Stayin’ in a Holiday Inn full of Surgeons,

Guess they meet here once a year…

They exchange Physicians stories’

And get drunk on two-fer beer.

Now they’re off to catch a stripper

With their eyes glued to her G…

Well, I don’t think that I would ever let ’em

Cut on me….”

-Jimmy Buffett  “Miss You So Badly”

Well, now, yesterday was an experience that I do not ever wish to repeat so long as I live, thank you!  Went for a routine late-pregnancy Midwife check-up, with my Male Midwife (different, I know) and ended up imprisoned until 12:30 a.m. in a hospital bed and tethered to  an Electronic Fetal Monitor, over myriad senseless fears of the medical community:  placental abruption, stroke, seizure, pre-eclampsia, etc.  Nasty stuff.  Praise Jesus, I do NOT have any of these conditions and He has protected me from them and indeed, cast out the fear of them, so long as my mind is stayed upon Him.

Before you abandon reading my blog post, it’s not about being pregnant, or seeing a Midwife, or vaginas, or the birth process.  It is about fear versus faith in Jesus Christ.  It is about being a wife submitted to ONE man, and ONE man alone:   her husband, above all others (except of course, Jesus Christ).  It is about hearing the voice of our Lord and obeying, and realizing that often, as a married woman, the voice of the Lord will come in the form of the voice of an imperfect man – our husband!  It is about drowning out all of the other voices that may be speaking (even if they are the voices of friends) – because we, as wives, are not accountable by God to all the other voices – and because His perfect Love is the only way to truly cast out all fear.

Our husbands (hopefully) know us better than any other person on the face of this earth.  They live with us at our best and most graceful, and they live with us at our worst and most sinful.  For most of you reading this, your spouse or the spouse you seek is a believer in the God of the Bible and the saving Grace of Jesus Christ alone.

Many of us who write here in the so-called ‘sphere, or who simply read and comment, are really putting serious spiritual effort into hearing and obeying God’s commands to us in Ephesians chapter 5.  It has become an area of pinpoint focus for me in recent years, as God has worked to soften my heart, but even more beautifully, to HEAL my broken heart from such a terribly wounded past.

When I was an infant, I was adopted.  My birth mother placed me in closed adoption days after birth, and three weeks later, I was placed permanently with my adoptive parents.  Let me just say that sometimes, adoption does not equal a “better” life for the child:  sometimes, there is much heartache.  Sometimes, the adoptive parents didn’t want to have a child to GIVE love, but to GET love.  Sometimes, there is abuse.  This was the case with me:  I did grow up in a great deal of dysfunction:  so much so that I think I am only now realizing, as Col. T and I build a Christ-centered family versus a self-centered one.

In any event, seeing this Male Midwife has really been a challenge because of past abuse, both physical and sexual.  You see, I had purposefully chosen only female providers for over twenty years!  However, when we moved, I had no choice but to see this man if I wanted a Midwife (and I do at my age:  Docs tend to treat me like an anomaly having another child at 43).  My husband was raised by a bunch of Chiropractors, so he’s not big on the Western Medicine model of care either and prefers a more “granola” approach, like me, for lack of a better term.

At my first visit with Mr. Midwife (who is a good practitioner, by the way – just NOT for me specifically), I had an emotional melt-down and a huge spike in blood pressure.  Now, I do not have high blood pressure, even during pregnancy.  Because I used to work in medicine, I do have a manual b/p cuff at home and periodically take it just to make sure it’s fine.  It is always fine.  So, instead of having Mr. Midwife freaking out over what he sees on his machines, I just figured it would be easier to tell him the truth:  I am a survivor of childhood abuse, and he’s the first man who’s been “down there” medically for me in over twenty years.  He was very understanding.  Until yesterday.

Yesterday, I went in for a routine check – I’m about 37 weeks pregnant, so we’re down to the wire.  Full term, but we would prefer to just leave the baby in there until he/she wants to come out on his own.   Yesterday, prior to driving for an hour to get to Mr. M’s office, we had a flat, not much money to buy the new tire required, a small argument in the kitchen over some trivial matter, not enough lunch because of a rush, my husband off work because of my appointment (we have only one car), an overheated car while I’m an hour away from home…you get the idea.  It was a day of total spiritual attack, in my opinion.  The devil was after us, and after us hard, and this was BEFORE I ever saw Mr. M in his office!

Upon sitting down with the nurse in his office, my b/p was literally off the charts.  Stratosphere high.  However, I know my body:  this HAS happened before to me in stressful situations, and I knew that nothing was truly WRONG with my body or our baby.  Mr. M was hysterical:  he said we had to have a “discussion” about my b/p, and I suppose his definition of discussion varies greatly from mine, because we didn’t “discuss” anything:  he just demanded that I be admitted to the hospital, and starting raving about extreme and frightening possibilities.

Keep in mind, this man does not know me:  he has seen me four or five times.  He ultimately called my husband and told my husband, who had to hang up on him because he would not stop talking!  My husband called me when things had calmed down, and I was tethered to machines in a hospital bed, far from home and family, feeling out of control. I had seen a female Midwife on call by now, who agreed that this was likely caused by a PTSD response, and not a true medical emergency with my b/p.  She urged me to think about whether I wanted to stay or go home.  She said she doesn’t believe in “fear based medicine.”  I instantly loved her!

The FIRST thing Col. T said was something like this:  “Mama, you are submitting to this person’s authority (Mister Midwife), and you do not have to do that; in fact, it is making matters worse, in my opinion.  There is nothing wrong with your health or the baby:  you are upset and angry because he is a male Midwife and this bothers you, and today he did a physical exam with instruments which upset you further.  You are now allowing yourself to be forced into a place that makes you MORE stressed, and therefore INCREASES your b/p, rather than the goal of decreasing it by being near people who calm you and love you (home).  I would urge you to stop submitting to these fear-based people who do not operate in faith, and listen to me and follow me and come HOME tonight, not after five p.m. tomorrow when Mr. Midwife demands.

I will admit that something unexpected rose up in me emotionally and I wanted Col. T to be wrong.  I wanted to say (but didn’t) that we cannot just ignore things like this; checking this out in the hospital was PRUDENT and GOOD.  I wanted to say that this was perfectly acceptable and “normal”, but there was nothing I could say.  There was nothing I could say because Col. T knows me better than anyone on the planet; we are ONE flesh.  He knows that I suffer from anxiety around men other than himself.  He knows my b/p is healthy because he sees me take it at our home every week.  He knows my personality; what sets me off, my little quirks that no one else knows about.   Who am I going to fully trust more:  my husband, who knows me, or a veritable stranger, Mr. Midwife?  You would think this would have been a no-brainer!

Further, when I began to pray, I really began to meditate on how God speaks.  I am aware that it would be highly unusual for God to show up in the form of an angel in my hospital room and tell me what to do in this situation.  After I spoke with the female Midwife and then Col. T, my blood pressure had returned to normal after about six hours in the hospital – something that would not have happened if I were truly suffering from cardiovascular illness.  It is amazing how calming my husband’s words were to me.

As I began to meditate on how God speaks to wives, it became clear that because the husband is the head of the wife, the head usually has two ears with which to listen to God and one mouth with which to speak to his wife what he has heard.  Well, you get the picture!  In other words, it would be possible, but less likely, that God would want me to continue to “submit” to the insistent and bullying will of another man, especially after my physical symptoms were completely gone.  This was a situation, in my heart, of submitting to my husband in all things.  Regardless of what the world might think about it.

In two hours, I had a bevy of completely normal b/p readings under my belt and decided to drive home.  I knew I wouldn’t arrive until almost 2 a.m., but at least I would sleep under the roof with my family and not be awakened and stressed every two hours all night.  The angel in the form of the on-call Midwife offered me the opportunity to bring the 24 hour urine test home and drop it at a local lab today.  Bliss.

*Oh, wait…about seven miles from home, two does ran out in front of the car, and I literally could have counted the hairs on their pelts when the ABS stopped me inches from their bodies on the highway.  They looked at me and trotted across the highway, and I praised Jesus for thwarting that disaster as well.*

Ladies:  I write this so that you and I both realize that we are either submitted to our own husband in all things, or we or not.  Even our bodies are one flesh with our husbands bodies, and when something is awry with our body, we should trust our husband with what he is hearing from God about the state of our flesh.  This doesn’t mean we cannot disagree and voice disagreement, but I think it does mean that we should seriously consider what our husband is saying to us, even when it is unpopular with others around us, and even if it seems a bit outlandish to our natural mind!  God said “all things” – this leaves no room for doubt.  Either we can trust our husbands as given to us by God to love us and guide us, or we cannot.  If we cannot, we call God a liar. God is not a liar; this flies in the face of His Word.

*Please note, I am in NO WAY ADVOCATING that we presume to know more than a medical doctor, nor am I suggesting that we only believe in “faith healing” and ignore the benefits of modern medicine.  I AM saying that there are times when we might more easily be picked off by the enemy of our souls when we are trying to submit to someone who is operating in fear instead of faith, and literally making our spiritual condition and possibly our physical condition WORSE!  I am saying that each particular situation is unique to the couple and the man, following Christ, may have intel that his wife needs.  So, in our case, we watchfully waited – with me AT HOME where I can relax and be surrounded by love instead of fear.*

Gentlemen:  really know how much it means to your wife that you love her as Christ loved the Church.  The story I have just shared is what that means to me; it means he loves me so much that he desires what is best for me.  Even if he knows I might have a fit or argue with him when he tells me!  Even if I am scared and physically weak, and alone and he’s only able to coach me to obey him over the phone.  You see, he was literally able to be used of God to work peace into my spirit, mind and body as  I lay there in the hospital.  THIS is washing with the water of the Word so that his bride has no spot, or wrinkle or blemish.  THIS is Perfect Love that casts out all fear.



“For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land.”