Oh, be careful little ears what you hear…

Do you remember teaching your children that sweet song when they were pre-schoolers?

“Oh, be careful little ears what you hear,

Oh, be careful little ears what you hear,

‘Cause the Father up above 

Is looking down in Love,

Oh, be careful little ears what you hear.”

 

You can go on and on with other body parts:  eyes seeing, hands touching, feet walking…you get the idea.  I have never had a child learn the song that didn’t love it.

This is theology 101 for little children, but for those of us who were not raised in Christ-centered homes and families, it is good to really meditate on the truth of this simple song.  After all, the  Gospel should be so simple that a child can understand and obey!

In my last post, I was surprised to explore the extraordinary differences between men and women in health care situations, and surprised at some of my mindsets concerning the matter.  Particularly, I was surprised that I had accepted the societal norm (versus the Biblical norm) of opposite-gender care for intimate medical situations.  When my body reacted severely to a man’s touch and presence for obstetric care, I was unexpectedly shocked.  I caught myself feeling as though I were the “abnormal” one, when in fact, this is a perfectly natural and normal physiological reaction from even a woman who HASN’T suffered physical and sexual abuse!  After all, my body belongs to Col. T.

In any event, I began to ponder something simple.  Please be patient, and feel free to correct me here, because I am just beginning to flesh this out via the written word.  As we learn to think and behave in a counter-cultural way, God is going to be constantly teaching and guiding and correcting.

I believe that women are created by God to be “ones who receive” and “ones who submit”, and men are created by God to be “ones who send” and “ones who walk in authority”.  This is true of body, mind and spirit in each gender, and this is scriptural.

However, because we have strayed from God’s created order via feminist society, and because we have strayed from obedience to God’s commands in all other areas of our lives in secular society, we have created chaos.  

One area in which this has become increasingly clear to me is in the area of medical care.  I find it fascinating that one of the names of our Lord is The Great Physician, and yet there are so few physicians or other medical personnel today that even acknowledge this.  Somehow, they ignore The Great Physician, and the way He knit together the bodies of those whom they treat.  Somehow, their pride makes them believe that they are in control of God’s creation, when this is so very far from the Truth.

The issue that I see clearly is this:  opposite gender care from a medical provider opens the person being cared for to receiving incorrect messages and incorrect physical touches if the patient is a woman.  It opens her to receiving incorrect spiritual information into her spirit and heart as well, and we are commanded to guard our hearts!  Further, it opens her to obeying an authority other than her husband, if he is not physically present during her care, which is common. Cumulatively, this causes a disruption in peace in the woman because all of these things are contrary to her created nature.  

With men, because they are designed to be authoritative and hearing God and speaking His word, having dominion over creation, this same type of medical care by a female seems to usurp the very created nature of man!  As a patient, a man is suddenly under the authority of women (nurses, nurses aides, assistants, etc.) and even female physicians and medical students.  If he dare challenge this, he is ridiculed and shamed for desiring to uphold his masculinity and modesty. He loses his ability to have dominion.  He is vulnerable before women.  

I am grateful to a reader for sharing some website links that clarify this; apparently, this is quite an issue among God’s people who wish to pursue modesty.  Until recently, I had seen only female caregivers intentionally.  It was only after I found myself in dire need of a health care provider that I accepted a male caregiver as a Midwife, and discovered the gravity of this particular situation.  After my experience, it came to my attention that this is a man’s problem as well, and not just a women’s issue – my eyes have been opened!

My reader, WWW, says, in response to my statement that I literally felt weird and subsequently developed high blood pressure due to stress,  for feeling ill at ease with a male Midwife:

…And that is what the medical profession and their acolytes will play on: they will make you feel as though you are weak/abnormal for feeling the way you do. It’s even worse for men, since not only is the man put in a vulnerable and emasculating position, but if he objects, he is made to feel even less of a man for doing so, and hence emasculated further. And they wonder why men are notoriously reluctant to visit the doctor…

 

Nurses have traditionally been predominantly female, and this remains the norm, even in this feminist society.  Now that more Physicians are female, I am learning that more and more men are very, very uncomfortable seeing a female Physician due to modesty issues and the like.  

Note the following, which is  a comment made by a reader on a link sent to me via my reader WWW:

First off, I am a healthy 23 year old male. The flu had been spreading around my work so my boss offered to send all employees to the doctors office for preventative medication. I decided that it would be a smart move and made as appointment that day and went it. I politely informed the doctor right away that I was very uncomfortable around doctors, she acted like she had never heard this before and told be she was not going to take “attitude” from me. She then told be to take off all of my clothes. I told her I was not comfortable getting naked for her and asked her why such as intrusive physical was needed for preventative flu medication. She told be she was the doctor and my work was paying for it “so what should it matter.” She stated that I needed a genital and rectal exam or I could go somewhere else. I told her no again and she left the room, expecting that I would undress with her absent. I could hear her talking with the nurses out side the door about how rude I was. When she came in again I was still dressed, and she was visibly agitated by this. She was incredibly intrusive and disrespectful, but I got my way. A prescription with clothes on. My work wasn’t to happy to hear about my experience. Do not let doctors try and intimidate you into doing things that are both unnecessary and against your wishes.

– J ( Male ) From Tucson, az

 

Now, if a woman had complained like this, the whole Galaxy would have heard about it.  Yet, here is a man, suffering  humiliation at the hands of a health care practitioner, and this information was so obscure that I never would have located it on my own!  

However, that’s really not my main focus.  I realize we have a different set of “rules” in our society for men and women; we blog about it endlessly in the ‘sphere.  My main focus is to illustrate how the egalitarian views we have adopted in modern America have influenced such basic things as the care of our bodies by physicians and other health care professionals.

The Bible clearly says that our bodies are not our own:  they belong to God, as He created them for a temple for His Spirit.   If we are unmarried, we honor Him in modesty, purity and chastity with our bodies as His temple.  When we marry, we honor Him with fidelity to our spouse, and we further honor God by giving our body to our spouse – our body literally belongs to our spouse as we become one flesh in matrimony.

No wonder we feel something rising up in our spirits and even physical manifestations, such as my radically increased blood pressure the other day in the presence of my male Midwife.  We were not designed to be outside of the created order for our bodies, minds and spirits.  We are spirit beings, but we live in these fleshly bodies, and sometimes the only way we are going to sense a problem is when something comes into our body (through a spoken word, or a touch, or something we sense in another manner).  In my experience, it was the physical presence, physical touch during examinations and the spoken words of fear versus faith that alarmed my body and mind to a severe issue.  

Coming full-circle to the children’s song once more, we need to be very careful what we allow our five senses to receive as bible-believing women (and men).  Of course, we know this as Christians, but are we really thinking about this at all times?  Are we thinking about this when thinking of allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, and in a place of physical and even emotional submission to another person, other than our husbands?  Are you gentlemen thinking of how it is affecting your soul – your mind, will and emotions – to succumb to the will of a female in authority over you and your body?  Personally, I am becoming convinced that  these things are more serious than we realize and effect some of us more deeply than others, and therefore we should all guard ourselves vigilantly.

Ladies, I know (and you can read in my last post) that I literally felt “torn” emotionally between submitting to the will of a male Midwife, and submitting to the will and wisdom of my husband!  This is a terrible position, and I do not wish this for anyone.  I shed tears over this in the hospital, and felt fear, and a desire to please God.  Thankfully, I chose to listen to my husband, even though it meant (for me) signing out of the hospital almost nineteen hours earlier than the Dr. requested, and Against Medical Advice.  

Gentlemen, might I suggest that it would be uncomfortable at the least to feel that you must give of your body and modesty and surrender your will in vulnerability to a female in authority over you – a Doctor or other health care professional.  I know I was not surprised to read the stories of men who felt very violated by females in positions of authority over their bodies.  This ought not be.

We ladies need to be careful what we are receiving into ourselves, for as I said, we are made to receive.  It is dangerous to have body boundaries violated by anyone (health care professionals included) and it carries serious consequences for a wife.  Trust me on this one.

Thank you for considering this, and thank you my reader, WWW, for bringing this to my attention and allowing the Holy Spirit to use you in this way.  Comments, of course, are always welcome!

 

Blessings,

 

songtwoeleven

“For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land.”

 

 

 

 

 

Taming the Quarrelsome Shrew in You

Sunshinemary’s recent post at The Woman and the Dragon has spawned the words that follow here. She speaks of a wife’s tendency to be a “sh*t” testing, attention-demanding, needy, noisy, brash, loud, aggressive woman without self-control over her emotions. We have all been there, ladies. I will be the first to admit that I was actually raised to be this way, by a mother who behaved this way. She cracked her emotional whip, and my father obliged, to keep peace in his home in a quiet desperation. Later, he responded with violence – I believe, because he was so powerless and castrated by his own wife.

In any event, since many of us have grown up in secular homes and come to know the ways of God through Christ later in life, this is a serious maturation process. Sunshinemary says “don’t be a quarrelsome shrew”, and lists excuses that even we Christian women use to justify our shrewish behavior.

Yet, this is not the way Christ would have us to behave toward our own husbands, whom we are to respect and obey in all things. But…how? How does one overcome the tendency, day by day? How does a wife live out the repentant heart that desires to be a woman of a quiet and gentle spirit?

The answer isn’t easy, but it is simple. Might I suggest a few pointers and small tips to women and wives who are currently walking through repentance in this area:

  • Phillipians 4:8. Begin thinking on that which is true, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, praiseworthy things. It’s awfully difficult to be a bratty little girl pouting and screaming over something to our husbands, when we are thinking on the things mentioned here.
  • Make a short (three to five item) gratitude list about your husband and family life, prior to opening your mouth to criticize or demand something aggressively from your husband. This usually re-frames my mind.
  • Stop and think about something truly irritating that YOU do that your husband does not like, but he tolerates because of his love and commitment to you and your children. Really think on this. Think about how imperfect a person you are, too, and how whatever it is that he is doing that is revving you up is really not that significant; definitely not significant enough to warrant you sinning against God and your husband by being rebellious and aggressive. This is also a good practice in humility – realizing that your husband loves a flawed woman – because so many of us have grown up hearing how “precious” and “perfect” we are as girls and women. We are NOT any such thing. We are sinners apart from abiding in Christ.
  • Practice some Fascinating Womanhood. Mrs. Helen Andelin wrote a beautiful book by this title many years ago, and modern versions can be purchased online from my understanding. There are even courses to take online or in certain communities – taught by mature wives and mothers who have been living this way for years and seeing success in their marriages.

For instance:

One of the greater lessons in FW is to accept one’s husband at face value, fully accepting even his faults. We think we are doing this as Christian wives, but often we are just saying to others that we are doing this. Try watching your own husband sit on the couch for several hours with a beer or two and a bag of chips watching ESPN while you cook, serve him and your multiple children, clean up the children, clean up the kitchen, clean poop out of the bath the toddler just took (which you filled and refilled), clean cat puke off the carpet on the stairs, answer a phone call, look up something for your husband on the internet…you get the picture…how do you feel as a wife? “Neglected”, overworked, abused? That is what society might say; that is definitely what a feminist would say if she saw your husband doing this in your home while you worked in domesticity.

Did she see the seventy-five work hours that your husband put in this week on his entrepreneurial venture? Did she also watch him work a second job for an hourly wage this week on his day off? Did she see how he patiently laid down with his small daughter at night helping her to drift off to sleep after a hard day? Did she see how he rocked the baby back to sleep, unbeknownst to you (his wife) because you were so soundly asleep and he wanted to help you? She has no right to judge and NEITHER DO YOU.

  • Look to your man’s better side. Always. It helps to color one side of a piece of paper black and one gold or yellow and hang it on your fridge to remind you until you get into a new habit of doing this every time you desire to “rule over” your husband (especially with your tongue, with words of criticism or demands.)
  • Stop trying to change your husband. It is pride and self-righteousness to believe that you can change your husband, or that you should.
  • Appreciate him: and TELL him so. If you are tempted to be shrewish, instead, take a deep breath and summon something to say to him about how much you truly appreciate how hard he works for you and the children at his job. Or, tell him how you appreciate his sexy physique. Something positive, ladies.
  • Make him number one. We often forget that our husbands come before our children, especially if we have little ones. I know I get caught up in just the energy it takes to care for little ones around the clock, and suddenly, he seems forgotten. It’s easy to be cross and easily irritated when you are neglecting your most important earthly relationship with your husband.

Lastly, make the time that your husband comes home to be one of the most important times of your day and the children’s day. Greet him warmly and help him find peace and comfort at home after being in the world all day. Some tips:

  1. Get your own work done before he is expected.
  2. Have dinner ready.
  3. Prepare yourself physically (take a few moments to refresh makeup, hair, perfume).
  4. Clear away clutter in home.
  5. Prepare your children. Minimize noise.
  6. BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM. Smile! Be romantic towards him!
  7. Make him comfortable. He is not your “wife” – YOU ARE HIS.
  8. Listen to him – let him talk to you FIRST.
  9. Make the evening his: do not complain if he doesn’t pamper you, help you with housework or children. If he is irritable and rude, do not fight back – think of the stress and strain in his “world” of work.

DON’T: greet your husband with problems or complaints. Don’t allow your children to rush at him; let them greet him and then instruct them to give him a few moments to settle in. It helps to play music or let them be wild in exercise just before he gets home, to get some of their energy out. This way, they’re happy to see him without tackling him!

These are ways to ensure your husband actually wants to come home. We have not been taught, ladies, how to truly be home-MAKERS. It is beyond a clean house. A clean house is religious. A clean house is a duty; an obligation. Making a home is an ART that women of past generations knew, because they knew they were the HEARTS of their homes, they knew they set the climate of their homes, and they knew that a man happy and renewed at home is a successful and faithful man.

Here is a little poem, anonymously written, that sums it up well:

“Say It Now”

If with pleasure you are viewing
Anything a man is doing,
If you prize him, if you love him,
Tell him now.

Don’t withhold your approbation
‘Till the Parson makes oration,
And he lies with lilies
On his brow.

For no matter how you shout it
He won’t really know about it,
He won’t count the teardrops
That you shed.

If you think some praise is due him
Now’s the time to pass it to him,
For he cannot read his tombstone
When he’s dead.

 

Blessings,

Songtwoeleven

More thoughts on how to overcome shrewish tendencies are welcomed by both men and women alike.